1 Thou Shalt Not Sing Like A Canary While Dissing Teammates: Following William Gallas' public tirade against his Arsenal mates, he has been stripped of the captaincy. So far, nothing is a sure thing. Except this: Blab about the dirty laundry in your house, and the stink will stay like white on rice.

2 Thou Shalt Not Disrespect People Who Have Eaten More Rice: Gallas said that one Arsenal player, who's six years younger than him, insulted his teammates. I got the feeling that he wanted to pass him a Respect-Your-Elders Confucius guidebook or spank him.

3 Thou Shalt Not Keep Us Guessing Just Who That Jerk Is: We can only guess the troublemaker is Robin van Persie, the guy who always looks like he's about to cry. Maybe it's not him, maybe it's the kit man, maybe it's Rip van Winkle as made up by Gallas. Spit it out, man.

4 Thou Shalt Not Dangle Bad Things In Thy Mouth: When you're accusing people of not following your good example and you're caught with a cigarette in your mouth at a nightclub, that's not a good thing. Spit it out, man. Gallas should've been sucking on a lollipop. That sucks less.

5 Thou Shalt Not Be Seen In A Nightclub Openly Like A Damn Fool: Maybe Gallas was clubbing with Jo, Manchester City's Brazilian striker who was fined after he was seen at a nightspot when he claimed to be ill. Actually Jo has been misunderstood. He's not a regular Joe. He's a millionaire party guy. These people buy their medication at nightclubs.

6 Thou Shalt Not Refuse To Go On With One Second To Go: Trouble seems to be afoot at Man City, with even Dietmar Hamann and Michael Ball behaving like prima donnas when they allegedly refused to go on as substitutes during a recent match. Are they crazy? Who the hell are they when Robinho is in the team and scoring like Cristiano Ronaldo at a party?

7 Thou Shalt Not Boast That Thou Art The Best Three Players In The World: I don't know if he was doing stand-up comedy. But, Mr Modest, Cristiano Ronaldo, proclaimed before his Portugal were thrashed 2-6 by Brazil on Wednesday that he's not just the best player in the world, he's the first, second and third-best player in the world. He announced that in Brazil - which can rightfully claim to have the best 1,000 players in the world.

8 Thou Shalt Not Throw Coins At Paying Customers: It's old news about Didier Drogba, throwing a coin at Burnley fans. Didier, there are many ways to spend ourselves out of the economic crisis.

9 Thou Shalt Not Say That There's Nothing Wrong About Being Blatantly Dishonest: Dear Mr Diego Maradona, regarding your Hand Of God goal against England in the 1986 World Cup, please say sorry to England because it's the right thing to do about a wrong thing done. Please shake the hand of Terry Butcher, England captain at that time who was born in Singapore.

10 Thou Shalt Not Say That There's Something Right About Being Stupidly Honest Too: Arsene Wenger, regarding your lending Theo Walcott to England and getting the lad back with his shoulder dislocated, perhaps you would be wiser not to be so damn honest.

Lie a little and say the boy's not available due to his wedding, O-level exams or stomach ache. Heck, other people do.